Sunday, 4/11/10 - Jump

What are you afraid of?

Think about that while I tell you a story:

Many years ago I was in a bad relationship. We were together for all of the wrong reasons. Neither of us was happy but we stayed together because...

... because ...

... because we were both afraid. Afraid of so many things that being alone brings with it.

At the time the certainty of a long, unhappy future together seemed to weigh as heavily as the uncertainty of being alone. It seemed that either path led to unhappiness.

To end the pain, I thought it best to just jump.

With very little forethought I headed for the only place that I could think to jump from.



The longer I drove, the more driven I became and I started to drive faster...



... and more recklessly than I normally do.



You see, I am afraid of heights.

Two rungs up on a ladder my hands begin to sweat and my knees begin to shake uncontrollably.



So, where was I going? What was I doing?

And why did it feel so right?



After crossing the bridge I had another hour to drive before I reached Zephyrhills.

Known for bottled water, Zephyrhills is also known for skydiving and I knew that facing my fear of being alone would be easy if I could first overcome my fear of heights.

What I experienced that day was nothing like what I had expected and, like many, the thought of "jumping from a perfectly good airplane" seemed ridiculous.

Have you ever skydived? Have you ever been inside of a plane used for skydiving?

I promise you that from the time they start the plane's engines the only thought you have is getting out. Even if jumping is the only way out.

These planes are not comfortable in any way. There are no seats, no walls and no door! You sit on the floor holding onto one another so that no one slides out the open doorway during takeoff. The walls have been removed so you are looking at the plane's ribbed substructure and being deafened by the unflitered engine noise.

No, the toughest part was not getting out of the plane, I was happy to do that, the hardest part was getting into the plane with the knowledge that once inside the only way out was to jump.

I had chosen to do a tandem jump with an instructor rather than an unassisted, lower-altitude static line jump. I wanted the additional height and the freefall. The only way to get these on a first jump was to go tandem.

The plane was full and most of the people were doing a formation jump so they got to go first. As we approached the drop zone they formed a tight line, belly to butt, by the doorway. The pilot signaled and, like a stream of water, they flowed out of the plane.

Except for the pilot, my instructor and me, the plane was empty.

I was eager to jump but we had passed the zone and the pilot swung the plane around in a wide turn that seemed to take forever.

The instructor stood behind me and made the final connections that would tether us. We went through a check sequence: helmet on? chinstrap fastened? shoulder clips attached? waist straps attached?... then moved to the doorway.

He had me cross my arms over my chest and lean outside while he held onto the doorframe. I hung there with only my toes touching the doorsill, the rest of me outside of the plane feeling the wind, hearing the engines and looking down at the world so far below.

He held us there, suspended...

... the world moving slowly below us ...

... then released his grip...

... and the plane moved on without us.

So, I will ask you again,

What are you afraid of?