Saturday, 5/29/10 - The Leaving

The leaving left nothing. Coming clean was a wash.

So, she stayed.

I want children, she commented. There was emotion but it was controlled. She wanted to cry but she knew that she would be swept away in the flood.

So, she stayed her emotions.

Yes, she said more firmly, I do want children. But not with him.

Him.

This was about him.

He won't be a good father or a good husband. She started to say more then thought better of it.

So, she stayed her tongue.



In her head she was summing up the I did's. She tried for a while to balance this number against something he might have done.

She stayed her anger

for a moment or two. Then she added all of the he should have but didn'ts and wound up clinging to the zeros like little life preservers to keep herself from sinking.

And drowning.

We are just different, she said.



I wish he would...

Looking out and away, she left the comment unfinished.

And there she stayed.